there’s no reason to give up something that was good. just because it goes bad on you once, twice, thrice, etc. doesn’t mean it’ll always be that way. that’s just a stupid fabricated little rule our culture instilled in us. if that person makes the same mistake twice, blah blah blah they’re out. that’s bullshit. now hold on to that thought because it’s easy to say that it was an unforgivable mistake…
you see, the good you had outweighed the bad. yeah, i understand you experienced the worst of it twice, and especially the second time, but do you really think that i don’t know the immensity of what i did wrong? i know what i did. it must be difficult, to stay with somebody who also has other problems on top of that.. but if you know damn well we had it good together at least at some point and for at least a good amount of time, then you should know damn well you don’t have to move on to find better pastures because all you have to do is work together with me to make it better. it’s so cliche for me to say that, but it’s so true at the same time. yes, it was hard for you to just stay in it, but that’s the whole point of going against the grain. people who have been together for so long, married couples for instance, have gone through it ALL. they’re the ones that go against the grain. It WILL be very hard at times and the worst of the worst does happen, but that’s just the way it is, regardless of who you’re with. there’s really no such thing as GREENER pastures because it’s what you make of it. and especially something special we’ve built from the ground up for so long, we learned so much. we grew up together in a matter of over a year and a half. i really wanted to grow old with you. and i still do. read the poem i wrote about us. i know it’s in there somewhere.
don’t let yourself fall where the rest of the crowd does because it’s not too late. there is such thing as forever, but i can’t say that with you because you don’t believe in forever. my doors have been open this whole time. you call me last night, you reminisce, you think about the good and bad times, you say you’ve cried about it and so have i. don’t you think it’s hard for me too? i understand too. i built my entire life around you. and i’ve had to pick myself up from the ground up because the whole damn thing collapsed just like that.
i don’t think of you as a quitter, but go ahead and move on if you really think that’s what’s “best.” i can deal with it. i’ve already been dealing with it. of course, it took a lot out of me, but i’m better now.
i’m glad you ended it. that was a fair, good move. it taught me a very important lesson and it made you that much more meaningful to me. i’d do anything to get you back and if i ever do, you have no idea how much things would be different. yeah i goofed up last time you called and i said that, but i was still in the bargaining stage of the grieving process. (kubler-ross model. look it up if you want cause you’ll learn it in school) I swear things would be different and all because losing you taught me the most. but we’ll never know if we don’t try again. people overlook starting fresh because most think you can only start fresh with something new. but i strongly feel that’s not true. we can start from scratch too. oh snap that rhymed foo. either we pick up where we left off from or we start from square uno. both are fine with me.
But like I said, the ball’s in your court. Right now, I’m good. You’re a very strong person, you’re a smart woman, and for you to come back would not at all mean that you’re weak or stupid. For you to come back would be the greatest miracle of my life.
my doors are still open. you’ve told me to close it and so have others, but i’m willing to keep it open because there are miracles. and if you don’t come back, just know that you’re the one who left. i’ll be just fine, as i have been already lately.
i don’t care where you’re coming from now. i don’t care about what you’ve done while we’ve been separated. i don’t care if you’ve changed. i don’t care if your attitude about love has changed. you can be whoever you want to be because that’s the way i’ve always loved you, no matter how bad it ever got. i never gave up because you meant that much to me. now my doors are still open and you’re more than welcome to come through because there’s a special place in my heart just for you and nobody’s taking away your spot.
and on a side note, who do you think would want you more? somebody who’s never had you and wants to be with you? or somebody who’s been with you, lost you, and as a consequence, wants you back more than ever? just some food for thought. chew on it if you want :P
